Easter Cards

29 03 2013


One might think that, as the “Religious” Easter cards (this is only a subcategory) are the only ones selling, Target might stock more than five of them.


Sorry, grandma, but I guess you get a “funny” Easter card about poop or sex this year. Lots of those left for some reason. Happy Easter, everybody!

Youth Evaporates

4 06 2012


But joy never ceases to surprise.

Sorry, more poetry/I’m tired

9 02 2010

You’re softer than a cannon blast

But your reflection longer lasts

And I want you like a hole in my head

But I need nothing but meals in bed

And you say come on, but I’m still behind

Lost in each thought of my God-given mind.

Because the lies often outshine the truth

Deceptive brilliance is nothing but proof

Of what you have been while I became myself,

The man who decides that he doesn’t need self.

Because you’re an army ever led by force

And I was the low-cost waterbed, of course

Never supporting but always conforming

To old malformed images of his-and-her things,

The past is the past and it passed me today

But not without waving goodbye on the way.

Chaseing: My Tale

7 11 2009

I’m sitting on the floor on this gray Saturday morning and eating cereal.  This state of serenity is in direct contrast to the rest of my week, which has been hectically delicious.  Besides job stuff (good) and bank stuff (awful), I’ve had some satisfying moments.  Filling out application forms for a job after you’ve gotten it makes not a lot of sense to me, but it did feel like I was writing my future down.  Speaking of futures, I don’t think Chase has much of one with me.  Here are my adventures with the new and improved WaMu: (it rhymes if you say it rhythmically)

About a month ago, my Dad gave me a heads-up to change my account before Washing Mutual officially discarded the last remnants of its old glory and became Chase.  By “change my account,” this is what he meant.  Washington Mutual had two free checking accounts.  Their standard “Free Checking” account, which I had been using since 2005, and a more recent account that went by the name “WaMu Free Checking” on the register.  While I at first thought my Dad had been misinformed, a quick look and a phone call confirmed that these two accounts did indeed exist.  The important part of this distinction is that, after this banking empire effects its transition completely to Chase (as it has now done), those with a simple “Free Checking” account will no longer be able to order new checks free of charge.  Those with a special “WaMu Free Checking” account, however, will still receive that benefit when Chase establishes its first galactic empire.

So, all I need to do, Dad says, is call Washington Mutual and ask to get my account changed into a “WaMu Free Checking” account.  This seems simple enough, and multiple people have told me that I can do this.  So, I give them a call.

It becomes quickly apparent to me that I am not really talking to “Frank” from “Caleeforneeah.”  Nonetheless, the customer service rep seems to know what I am requesting to have done.  I prolong the conversation for a minute or two just to subtly reiterate what it is I want done, why I want it (Free Checks!), and that I really appreciate the fact that “Frank” is going to do this and that is very nice of him thank you sir yes it is no problem at all thank you for calling Washington Mutual goodbye.

A couple of weeks later, I make a deposit in person at Chase.  Lately, I have noticed online that my account is now a “Free Classic Checking” account.  As I have no idea how this relates to the former two Washington Mutual accounts, I ask the teller if my requested change had taken place.  (When I talked to the rep on the phone, he told me the switch might take a week or so.)  She said, “I don’t think it did…mine says something different, and I made sure my account changed like that too.”

So, I asked, how can I go about getting “Frank” fired from his job in “Caleeforneeah” and my account made free as the days are short these days?  She suggested I go take a seat in their “lobby” (see: Chairs by those desks) and wait for someone more knowledgeable to help me.  I do so, and the next employee quickly informs me that, if the account has not been changed by now, there is no possible way to do so.  I believe her, but also mentioned my grievance with a certain rep (name of Frank) and his assurance that my account would be changed.  She suggests that I (surprise!) call their corporate phone number and ask for a supervisor and see if they have a record/recording of the call itself.  Since I happen to remember the date of the call, she seems hopeful that I might be able to get something done.

So I call the same number as I did a couple of weeks ago, and immediately ask for a supervisor.  After a minute or so of hold time (which was profusely apologized for by the new rep), I get a supervisor who clearly has no time for me.  Granted, I am asking for a likely-overworked telephone customer service supervisor to tell me why I can’t get free pieces of paper anymore, but I’m far beyond the actual purpose of the whole thing by now.  It’s the principle of the thing.  And speaking of principles, one of mine is that customer service people ought to treat their callers as civilly as possible, even if they are tired and busy and not in the mood to talk to Robert about his dumb little problem that is really insignificant.  It’s their job.

Of course, the supervisor says her hands are tied.  WaMu is dead, the phone recordings have all been purged (her word), and she has absolutely nothing to offer me.  I try to throw out an awkward sentence or two to the effect of “Oh, so I guess, even though the error was made on your end, you can’t really do anything” and “Yeah, I guess that you really only have my word that this conversation actually took place,” but it’s useless.  She is all but huffing and puffing me off the phone, and I have clearly reached the end of what I can accomplish through polite inquiry.  Having no desire to fly into a perhaps-justified indignant rage over free checks, I awkwardly thank her for her time, and hang up.

My day would have continued as normal, if not for the kicker:

Now that Chase is in charge of all my moneys and dollars, they have a new and improved rule on deposits:  Even if I go to the bank and make a deposit in person, those funds are not available until the next day. This is ridiculous.  I  understand their reasoning behind withholding part of a deposit made into an ATM, since they need to verify the amount, but what’s the point of keeping my money from me after I’ve gone to the trouble of depositing it?  In fact, do you know what this means?  It means, if I need to have that money on hand that same day, I have to cash the check for its full amount, then take the cash and deposit it into the account. Of course, they might hold that deposit too.  In fact, even if they don’t, it is clearly more advantageous for me to simply cash the check and walk out the door anyway.  Thus, Chase has clearly accomplished its goal.

Assuming, of course, that their goal is to make using their bank more cumbersome than just carrying around large sums of cash in the first place.

I’m gonna go buy a huge briefcase.

Nouveaux (Love in G Sharp)

8 09 2009

Anything goes for today and tomorrow

Worlds cannot wither when absent of sorrow

When shame is embraced it becomes only truth

Regrets are just remnants of reticent youth

Turabian tells us to learn before breaking

Sweet is much sweeter when ripe for the taking

Canonical catch-phrases catch simple girls

While heretical blasphemies follow the pearls.

So if this is the only last polka we’ve got

Let’s jump, shout and twist ourselves Gordian with naughts,

We’ll forgo the orthodox when ill-advised

And spend hours proving what others surmised

Priding ourselves on whatever we’re given

Of subsequent sins we’ve already been shriven.


26 08 2009

I am lazy and selfish.

Thankfully, I can usually make myself forget this with some sunflower seeds and a good book.  Is reading selfish?  I often look forward to getting home from work so that I can isolate myself in a corner of The Coffee Shop or the park, reading about dead people.

I guess I should be dedicating more of my time to helping others.

Our church has an Awana program that I think I am going to be helping in this year; I know it is only one night a week, but hopefully it will be a bit of a conscience alleviation for me, as I am apparently becoming prone to alienating people I care about by not making the effort to spend time with them.  Of course, if you can catch me at a good time with a random phone call, I will say yes to almost anything.  I gave up making excuses like twenty girlfriends ago; lying is just too easy to be fun, and too horrible for my heart to endure.  Yes, Corey, I will go eat five hot dogs and hamburgers to watch an ANA/DET match.  Yes, I will randomly drive over to school at 10:30 just to steal a sign.  Yes, I will play soccer even though I would really like to take a nap.

Oh, that’s right, I am incapable of napping.  Except at work.  I am getting dangerously close to old man territory — falling asleep in my chair at work.

I hope that type of thing doesn’t stay on your re-sume!

Anyway, I turned down golfing tomorrow afternoon for the sake of another buddy.  Let’s just hope I get enough work done so that I don’t feel guilty around both of them.

None of what I just wrote makes much sense to me…I can’t imagine having to figure it out if you’re someone else (which you are).


18 05 2009

Dissolve the cataracts of fear

That cloak my feeble will

Resolve my fear of facts and tears

That smoke has kept so still

No cancer can erode my doubt

As quickly as it came

For hands hear what the ears keep out

When fickleness is shamed


Eating My Own Dust

6 03 2009

Today was draining, in so many ways.

Tomorrow, I am incredibly busy, but it will end well.

Saturday, what have you for me? Mayhaps a wagon fulla PAMCAKES?

And Sunday, sweet Sunday, shall you bring rest unto my weary mind and body?

This was meant to make sense.  But I’ve sorta run myself into the ground tonight, so I’m gonna stop punishing myself and go to bed.  Go read some Garfield Minus Garfield and get outta here.

-R. W. T.

Proof of Quality Control’s Death

19 02 2009

If you have not found these commercials downright creepy, please raise your hand.  Now use your raised hand to hit yourself in the face, because you’re lying.  The guy honestly scares me, and I don’t scare easily except in rare instances involving sharks and alligators.  I’m not kidding.

This ad campaign has been lambasted by plenty of people already, but now you know that I agree with them.

If you want to do something productive about saving, go check out some thoughts that Randall wrote about the morality of saving money in the first place over at Champreign.  You’ll be better for it.

No No NO!

29 09 2008

Don’t you get it, stupid sky? I want the overcast without the rain. Stop this stupid “95 today and wet tomorrow!” business before someone gets hurt. I have your children and I will send them to the coal mines if I don’t start seeing some 68 and foggy in the next 48 hours. This is not negotiable.