Reading, in the park

21 05 2011

Today was beautiful, and I needed to go outside as well as run some errands.

I started keeping an old blanket in my trunk a while ago because I kept getting annoyed at myself for not having picnic/fireworks/beach/park paraphernalia in my car on the somewhat rare occasions I needed it.  Now that I’ve rectified that problem, I can enjoy days like today.  I took some food and hiked up a hill into a nice park, sparsely populated, and read and napped and figured.

It’s become apparent to me in the last few years that I am an introvert by this definition: I tend to draw my energy from time spent alone rather than time spent in groups of people.  It’s odd to me that I’m generally more pleasant to be around after I’ve just enjoyed time being by myself.  You’d think that time enjoyed alone would engender further desire for solitude, but I guess I’m not as introverted as that.

Plus, some people are pretty all right.   (This is likely what keeps pushing back my fabled trip in Europe more than anything.)

But enough about me.  What do you think about me?

The Secret World of Alex Mack

15 10 2009

I had a great breakfast with a friend this week.  I really like breakfast in general, but breakfasting with friends is always a great way to start the day.  It’s strange, however, because if I am eating a normal breakfast at home, I prefer to just make some _____ and grab some grapefruit juice and read an article or two in a quiet place.  I’m not much for conversation, words, or even grunts in the morning.  However, when I’m pumping coffee and cholesterol into my bloodstream with an enabler, look out world.

One of things Alex and I talked about was money.  While both of us are in the “needing some” area of the money scale, it was interesting to hear each other as we basically echoed similar thoughts back and forth about the fixation upon money that our society has.  In fact, Christians as much as (if not more than) anyone seem to seek financial security as if it’s an identifiable point in life that will enable them to live more freely.  But when has money, of all things, ever granted true security?  Surely, having money to support and sustain a family is a worthy goal, but once we begin to think that it is we who are providing that money for ourselves, things start to get murky.  I don’t need to retread tired anecdotes about how the richest people are the unhappiest, but it’s worth noting that the middle class is as dominated by financial worries as any demographic.  The security that we preach to be solely found in God is, however, much more pleasing when we know that our next paycheck is going to cover more than we need.

I’ve been blessed throughout my life to be strongly supported by my family.  While I have had a job of some sort ever since my paper route in ’97, there have certainly been lean times.  You know what, though?  I seem to worry about impending monetary difficulties more and more despite the fact that every previous one has somehow been dealt with or provided for through God’s provision.  This has often been family, and sometimes been random blessings, but I should be one of the last people on earth to be worrying about how I am going to feed myself.  I know that things may well get worse before they get better, but I also know that what I may fear as the “worst” is probably a far cry from an actually terrible situation.  In fact, it might be fair to say that, by constantly concerning myself with cash flow difficulties, I am squandering the wonderful time that I am enjoying right now thanks to the aforementioned.

I have so much more than I deserve, yet I continue to plague myself with doubts about my abilities and potentialities.  If I (and lots of us) could, for a serious amount of time, simply buckle down and work my tail off doing whatever I can find to do regardless of how much security it offers I would probably be a much happier person.  I think it’s all about a lack of faith.  I wonder how long I can sustain myself on my earnings now, or how long I can be blessed from new (and familiar) sources of generosity, but I fail to trust that provision will come as it ought to, and in doing so, I dilute what should be pure gratitude and love with a feeling of relief from worry.  How sad it is that I think my petty problems deserve worry when I could be praying for and worrying about others instead!  Someone told me today that they cannot wait to see what sort of career I end up having with my “experience,” and while I am tempted to take that comment wryly, I believe I would be better served to look with excitement upon tomorrow, waiting with bated breath to see which of God’s mercies are new this morning.  No matter how many times I experience them, I always feel that mere thanks are inadequate.  In that way, at least, I am blessed when people that love me show me generosity, because I can at least direct thanks (and potential blessings) back to them.  I guess this means I’ll get the joy of buying breakfast next time, Alex.

Cartas a Alguien

29 07 2009

My mom gave me a really great gift for my birthday.  Actually, she gave me a lot of great gifts.  Lots of people did.  My parents, grandparents and aunt all tend to spoil me (can you still be spoiled after growing up?) on holidays, but I digress.

She gave me a box of her homemade cards and envelopes, each tailored to exude a distinct vibe and address a particular situation.  Anyway, I just really love having the ability to express a nice thought to someone without appearing like I didn’t put any thought into it.  (The fact that I do not make these cards any more than I make an American Greetings card is not relevant)

Anyway, I just sent one of them out.  It was time, you know?

– – –

I’m going through all my old stuff, and I have lots of little sentimental things.  Receipts, photos, ticket stubs, photocopied letters, real letters, hilarious cards…they all mean something.  But I can’t help but thinking (see Dulce Domum) that I’ll someday have much stronger things to hold onto than these few leaves of my past.  For now, they hold up as significant tokens of my life.  There will come a day (I know and hope) when they are as significant to me as my childhood math books are to me now.  (And I even liked math back then…)


16 05 2009
  • Where is Lou when you need her?
  • I accidentally smiled when Andrew back talked the other day and used the phrase “double superlative” in his retort.
  • I haven’t done anything spontaneous for about four or six days.  Time’s a-comin’…
  • I miss missing the days before my nights and weekends were busy with the play.  Still not my world, but it offers its share of somethings.
  • Why doesn’t anyone does care about American history the same way Mom and I do?
  • Benjamin Franklin was not as much of a womanizer as he is perceived.  At least, the whole “girlfriends in France” thing is a bit exaggerated.  I’ll tell you all about sometime.  Then we’ll get married.
  • I’m so glad I’m not graduating this year.  Aren’t you?
  • I love my sisters.