Fog Monsters

22 01 2009

I managed to watch the second half of the first LOST episode of the season last night.  While this may seem a little out of character for one who has seen only two previous episodes (both season finales), don’t worry — I was mainly there for moral support.  If you missed it, however, let me see if I can sum it up for you…

So the people are on an island, except GUESS WHAT?  They’re not, anymore.  The bog monster has transported some of them home, except not a lot of them.  Some of them are still on the island, but it is moving around in time and space.  No, not that space.  Just spatially.  So the fat guy is hungry, so he decides to follow the tanned guy around, except that guy starts killing people because he’s a cannibal and the fat guy isn’t sure how he feels about it so he goes home after the anti-cannibals poison his swarthy companion.  His parents, who are extremely annoying people (though not as fat as he is), sort of help him by dumping off the poisoned guy’s body to Deep Throat in a parking garage.  Meanwhile, fire is raining down upon more annoying people on the island, and dead people are still alive because it’s back in time or something weird.  Thankfully, the more attractive people survive their run-in with neo-Nazis, and Mr. Clean saves them just in time.  Back home, the creepy ferret-looking guy tries to trick fat man into giving up cannibalism, but by then fat guy is too hungry and he runs away to prison where he’s heard you can get free human flesh at the buffet (as everyone knows).  Then, the nun decides to switch religions from nunnery to ferretism, except the ferret guy is mad because he’s not sure what to believe any more.  The episode ends with the attractive people battling demons, and the ugly people struggling with what’s right.

Remind me how is this not Gilligan’s Island, again?

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