Slipping Quietly into the Night

11 01 2009

Some of my life has very definitively revolved around certain people or activities.   One of my friends and I were pretty inseparable throughout most of my adolescence, while a lot of my free time was marked by reading or sports.  While a lot of that has changed (owing mostly to spatial difficulties) in the last few years, I have lately encountered a few dying friendships that have saddened me.  Certainly, one cannot sustain old relationships without hard work and invested time, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Thankfully, I’ve found a wonderful cache of Geoff Moore to keep my melancholy musings mellifluously motoring for the forseeable future.

I hate losing people.  As some of my relationships over the years have slipped away, I have sometime felt thankful and sometimes felt guilty; occasionally, I have felt angry at that person for letting our relationship die.  In the last few weeks, I have decided to do what I can to leave the door open for some friends, whether it be a phone call, an email, or a quick visit when I happen to be in their neck of the woods.  This has involved some or no effort on my part at times; it has been frustratingly costly at others.

Back when I was looking at leaving for college, I foresaw myself with a completely new set of friends after I graduated, something like a changing cast of characters in a progressing show about growing up or something.  Now, though, I really regret the effort I have failed to expend in so many things…people are one of those, but just one.  In a weird sort of way, I’ve begun to see a sort of attraction in transitioning to a life of my own making.  My reputation at work is solely built upon what I write and say to those around me; my reputation around new friends is what they see much more than they hear.  (Gossip, thankfully, is a bit less pervasive in the post-college life. Sorry girls.)

Life is rich, and opportunities are plentiful.  I can’t change what I murphed up, but I can play NHL 2002.  I mean, move on.

But really, I’m mostly enjoying my own discovery of what it’s all about.

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